Posted by: ginalazenby | February 25, 2011

the wisdom of patience… :)

Do you sometimes get impatient and try to MAKE things happen, instead of allowing them….?

I have done – to my personal cost!

I’m on one of my journeys again …. opening myself up to new ideas and any messages the universe feels it needs me to have.  Even though I am in a ‘tourist resort’ in a hot country, I am still feeling like I need to be on retreat (back home in Yorkshire it is still the depths of winter!).  The personal quest about purpose and service still continues ….. (it is seemingly never-ending, and I hear that from many of you too who feel your lives are also in transition).
I have had some writing to do … and it has been hard to marshall my thoughts and rambled musings into coherent copy. With a deadline looming and the fact that I am about to be off the internet for nearly two weeks (on a cruise ship with my parents!) a few days ago I grabbed my pen and forced myself to sit at my ‘desk’ (a dining table overlooking my swimming pool… sorry about that but I could not resist throwing it in!).

Making myself do something is never a good move; I am sure you will have found that out for yourselves on many occasions!

I had two voices in my head: one said “Go with the flow, stay calm, enjoy, just be, now is not the right time (that is what you know how to do…), trussssssst…”

while the other one said:

……… “Be useful, get some work done, you’ve got emails to do, knuckle down, write the blog, write a newsletter …. don’t be idle. For goodness sake, just do it”.

Have you ever had these two conflicting voices?

So, this time, I bowed to the urgency of the second angsty, forceful voice for a couple of days. It was getting hard to resist.  I had filmed some feng shui tips about aligning your home to support your dreams and goals for 2011 (see below) while I was in Sydney. I now needed to edit and publish them. It’s not difficult  …. unless you feel out of flow and your rational mind is nagging your un-rational mind about needing to take time out and be quiet.  In the late afternoon I decided to take a break and walk on the beach because the edited videos would not upload to Youtube.  A tad frustrating and of course a sure sign that things were just not meant to be !   When I came back I asked a powerful question out loud : “Why am I driving myself forward when my inner spirit does not want to be driven by seemingly logical needs?”

Within a few minutes a door fell off the garage wall and scraped down my leg removing the skin from my shin.  If I give you any more details you will feel queasy. I actually think I had a lucky near-miss as my leg was not broken. I collapsed on the floor. I had quite literally been stopped in my tracks and could not walk. I regained the ability to move and spent the evening administering first aid.  OK, the message for me was STOP: this is NOT the right time. I felt lucky it had only been a leg scrape …. some people have car accidents to get them to slow down and STOP. Because I  constantly listen to messages mine are less dramatic but strong enough to make me really take notice.

So there you go …. I thought I would share that story with you because it underlines the power of your inner being to know what is right for you, and WHEN it is right for you. No matter how illogical, you do KNOW inside don’t you?  Just when you are getting frustrated that nothing is happening (at the pace YOU want it to happen) then know that it probably IS happening in some form that is not obvious to you right now.

In essence, whatever it is you have set as a goal or asked for, be patient as these things ARE getting ready to emerge in your life. Don’t give up on them just because they have not yet materialised in the manner you feel they should. Something just as good or better is on its way and it may take a little longer than you think……. trust me, hey, trust the universe to deliver.

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Responses

  1. About ten years ago, I began a new career on Wall Street. It was far different than anything I’d ever done. I became good at my role, and by mid-2008, I was making some very serious money. I was also miserable, but I thought for my family’s future I just had to keep going at it.

    That summer, our twins were born. Having newborns in the house is like entering a reality warp, where nights and days intermingle and fatigue and crankiness are the new normal. One day in September, ’08, an incredible sequence of events began. Some people where I worked made some serious errors, which ended up inadvertently costing me my year’s earnings. The financial crisis almost brought my firm to its knees, and by mid-2009, my high-paying job was over.

    I blamed myself. I thought I had the chance to be very rich, and had blown it. I knew in the back of my mind that my workplace had been a very unhealthy place to be, and until I left, I hadn’t really even gotten to know my babies, who were by then over a year old.

    A few weeks after I left, sitting at home wondering what to do with myself, I read about how men my age (50) needed to have a colonoscopy every few years. I had never had one, so I found a gastroenterologist near us, and scheduled an appt. to set it up.

    I went to speak to him, and we covered what was basically going to happen. As I turned to leave his office, I turned and said, “you know, I’ve been on this other medication for a long time [for a chronic liver issue]. I wonder if I could ever stop taking these pills.”

    He said, “well, after you have the colonoscopy, why don’t we do a liver ultrasound just to get a baseline on how your liver is doing, and then we can talk about it.” I said fine.

    I wondered why that had occurred to me then to bring it up, but let it go.

    The colonoscopy was fine. The ultrasound a few weeks later showed my liver to be fine. But, being an abdominal scan, it also showed my kidneys, and on my left kidney, there was an unexplained 4cm mass.

    Further examination showed it to be solid, and likely malignant, so right before New Years of ’09, I had an operation to have my left kidney removed. The operation was routine and uneventful. The tumour was found to have been totally encapsulated, meaning that it hadn’t spread, and the operation had about a 97% chance of curing me completely.

    Upon talking with doctors and reading about kidney cancer myself, I learned that these kinds of tumors are almost black and white. If they are caught before there are any symptoms, there’s little danger from them if removed. If you find out about them because you have symptoms, they are almost impossible to cure and likely fatal.

    Here it is, February of 2011, and I am just now, in the last few months, looking for work again. The job environment is very difficult, and I’m not going to earn but a fraction of what I used to make. Our family may need to sell our house and move.

    But I am distinctly aware, and think often about, how the events of 2008 — the babies’ birth, a few other workers’ inexplicable errors, the world financial crisis, all seemed to have happened for a reason. For without all that, *all of it*, I would have *never* gone to see the original gastroenterologist at all, much less brought my other medication as an afterthought. I probably would not have discovered the tumor until I had symtoms of its presence. I very well could have missed seeing my children grow up. My financial disaster was the ultimate gift from the universe.


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