Posted by: ginalazenby | January 30, 2013

Be careful what you ask for …

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….. you’ve heard that before haven’t you? Well I am going to share just how true that has been for me.

I am currently in the process of crafting a new story for my life…. who I am, how I see myself and what I want to call in.  I know I am capable of manifesting what I want and need when I am mindful and conscious …… actually, come to think of it, even when I am not!

So why am I issuing a warning about asking for what you want …

let’s scroll back to Australia Day in Sydney ….. I was having a magical afternoon in Manly, a cliff top picnic with views over to the ocean gateway to Sydney harbour followed by a refreshing swim. It was when I came out of the water that I noticed the strings on my left wrist.  By now they looked a bit scraggy and I was ready to let them go but I knew I had to do it in a ritualistic way, one that honoured the energy with which they had been placed there.

Let’s go back go back another two weeks to Bali. On the New Moon, during the Women’s New Year workshop, we had a Fire Ceremony led by four Balinese priests. Each of us had written out a list of intentions that we wanted to manifest in the world in the year ahead. We released them by burning them in the ceremonial fire witnessed by the potent chanting and blessing of the priests who then tied a three string bracelet around our left wrist representing three Hindu Gods:  Shiva (the Destroyer of the things that need to cleared to make space for the new), Vishnu ( the Preserver of what needs to be maintained) and Brahma (the Creator of the new).

It was an extremely powerful process and I trusted that my list of intentions and heartfelt desires would unfold in their own time. Now here I was on the beach in Sydney, feeling inspired by the breathtaking beauty of the moment, and especially on the eve of the Full Moon, I suddenly decided that this was the right time for me to release the string bracelet into the ocean. Somehow cutting it off with scissors and then putting it in the bin did not seem right!

I knelt down by the water and became really present to being grateful for everything that had come my way already and for all that was to come including calling out for clarity on my role of service to the world and the realisation of a loving relationship that would sustain me. I ripped the threads off my wrist and thrust them into the ocean. Done! Released ……

Dash me if something unexpected didn’t happen within a couple of hours ……..!
Out of the blue, the beautiful man with whom I have been spending a wonderful time suddenly decided to end our fledgling romance. Ouch!  I had not expected that but I had obviously set something in motion with my oceanside invocation.  When I asked for a nourishing relationship I made no mention of names and left it open for God or the Universe to bring the best for me. And that obviously meant that I had to let go of what I had in order to create space for the unknown new scenario.

Interestingly other events that day emerged as portents. While on the beach that afternoon I had forgotten to remove my necklace and so it was only when I showered that evening that I realised that I had lost it. I am always so careful as I could end up shedding half my stuff when I travel!   The necklace was a gold heart ….. so now I was facing the loss of a relationship and the loss of a heart in the ocean. As if to drive home a point, the next day as I am packing up in my apartment to move on, I notice my ferry timetable for Manly: something I would no longer need, now that I will not be visiting the man there!  I picked it up to throw it away and underneath discovered a turquoise heart…….

The turquoise heart was given to me in London by a girlfriend from Australia. It’s a key fob and I carry it with me even though I don’t yet have a key to attach to it.  Please feel free to come up with your own interpretation of these signs ….. I am hoping that the heartbreaking experience in Manly (see my previous blog post on the lessons from a heart break) means that I am moving forward with a different, much stronger heart.

The New Moon is a very powerful time to reach out for something new although anytime you clearly state what you want, with sincerity and commitment, I believe you will get what you ask for – it just might be that God wants you to let go of something in order for you to create the space.  This has happened to me before ……

Way back in 2006 I had had a few years of feeling extremely lost, irrelevant and without a spark to move forward. I had a beautiful home and relationship yet something huge was missing … my compelling reason for being on the planet. One morning while walking the Yorkshire hill top I decided to cry out to God (or any of my metaphysical support systems who were listening) and I asked for help. I said I had had enough of hanging around feeling invisible and without purpose.  I wanted to be used ….. I asked to be of service and to be given a useful role in the world. Cue action! … and it wasn’t too long after that when my 10 year relationship ended unexpectedly. I had asked to be given something, not to have something taken away but there you go ….. when you ask for something with passionate intent you just don’t know how it will be dressed when it arrives. I’d asked for something big so hey … it appeared that I needed to make some space for it. The shock of the loss drove me away from what was familiar around me and caused me to embark on a journey. With my life suddenly turned upside down, my  journey took me to the other side of the world in order for me to try to make sense of it all.

Since that one trip to Sydney in November 2006 I have travelled extensively around the world with almost a dozen visits back to Australia. I have expanded my sense of self and absolutely become someone else in the process. I am only now getting specific clarity on what my role is after many years of being in the process of transformation, opening up to many new insights and incredible experiences and new ways of being. They have all been shaping me for some great purpose that I have come to know but so far, not been able to articulate very clearly. None of that would have happened if I had stayed in the relationship I had … my path had to change and I had to break free … or be tossed out of my known comfort in order to realise what I had been yearning for. Looking back, I’d choose again the pain and grief that I experienced at the time in order to be who I am now. I can see that I would not have the capacity for love and compassion that I now have without that experience.

So know that when you make that request for your heart’s desire, something might have to shift in order for you to have it.

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Responses

  1. Thank you for sharing this beautifully written piece. I feel I am getting to know you in a very intimate way. We have so many things in common….oh my….

    • Thank you Teresa .. it means a great deal to receive your love and blessings from where you are so far away in the USA and yet so close and connected through distant friendship and seemingly shared journeys x

  2. Thanks Gina. What a wise and brave blog… just like the next one about using a broken heart, you are really providing so much for so many by opening yourself up, laying yourself bare, and as a result not only finding your way… but giving others a guiding light to do the same. I hadn’t thought about what needs to go to make room for the things you want… what a cool concept. I’m also chuffed that your birthday key ring played a part in all of this insight! It might not carry a key, but doesn’t matter b/c it seems to be a key instead! Keep writing and inspiring Gina. I’m loving the story so far! x


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