Posted by: ginalazenby | November 26, 2018

Mastering Body Language for Connecting in the Digital Age

Our Conscious Cafe Skipton group at Avalon Wellbeing Centre with speaker Carole Railton seated front row right.

Behaviourist, Carole Railton, is one of the world’s leading experts on body language and how we can adapt in the digital age.  London-based Carole joined us in Skipton in November for a Conscious Cafe briefing and discussion about modern body language. 

Carole shared and demonstrated several tips for us to connect. She also brought up several copies of her book “The Future of Body Language: How to Communicate Effectively in Business Through Multimedia” which sold out. Most of what she discussed can be found in that book so if this is a subject which interests you, you can get hold of your own copy here.

We had a fun evening and I’m going to share 4 key things that we learned that you might also find interesting and helpful.

We learned that we give off so many unconscious signals to others. Our communication with others is on so many more levels than the words we speak.  Speaking is just a small part. We make our minds up about others in just five seconds and Carole pointed out that in the Digital Age, that judgement online goes down to just 3 seconds!  The more we can understand about our own signals and how we read others, then the stronger connection we can make when we speak and reach out to individuals or groups.

As Carole suggests, understanding body language becomes even more important where technology is increasingly used. Rather than letting phones, Facetime and Skype become barriers to connection, especially when we are long distance from others, we can learn how to make subtle changes so we make deeper connection and are better understood. 

1 Being Regal

A great tip for when you are about to speak, either online on Zoom, or for a video or live on a stage. Make yourself regal to adjust your posture to create a powerful foundation for your speaking. 

  • Walk round with a crown on your head… Carole had us all walking round the room with this imaginary crown. This keeps your head straight and still which reinforces the connection between your head and body.  It also slows you down. Slow is good. The more senior you are the less movement you make and the slower you are … think of the Queen.
  • Now imagine a heavy cloak on your shoulders. This will pull your shoulders back and down to open up your lungs and breathing. Breath is everything in speaking.
  • Now imagine that you have a long tail. It’s rather like having a third leg and it helps you keep balanced. The regal stature will give your voice and speaking more authority.

2 Feet on the ground

You need to be stable when you speak. Everything straight and firmly grounded. Twisted feet, crossed legs, one foot off the ground, slouching .. all these things affect what you will say and how you say it. Watch people on TV interviews (the BBC’s Andrew Marr show is a good one for seeing the whole person sitting including their feet and judging who is winning the argument .. and who is on the back foot!).   

Sit or stand with BOTH feet planted firmly on the ground, and straight.  It does take training and practice but helps you remain calm, clear and focussed particularly when under pressure. And make sure you wear appropriate sized shoes that are comfortable.  Personally, I can feel the difference between wearing attractive high heeled shoes and when I speak wearing flatter shoes without those gorgeous heels. So I might rock up to a speaking event with two pairs of shoes and change before I do my talk so I can feel more grounded and stable with my speaking … it all depends on the event and what level of support I think I need but I am aware of the difference.

3 Keep Still

The more senior you are, or are perceived to be, the less movement you make. Less is definitely more in this case.  Top speakers and leaders do not make distracting movements and they keep their body language tight and controlled. They are economic with gestures.  Carole revealed that when she coaches women speakers and executives, she points out to them that women can fall into the trap of making too many movements and thereby diminishing their authority in the eyes of others present. It’s all subconscious!  

Watch out for when you might be searching around on your desk for papers and pen in a video presentation .. get ready beforehand. When going into a meeting, resist the temptation to rifle through your handbag or briefcase for pen/pad or iPad. Try strolling in and making one single powerful streamlined gesture. Be neat and tight with your body language to create a more powerful impression and command authority.

Carole has been asked to review the top TED speakers in the world. The TED videos are an amazing phenomenon and some of the most popular speakers go viral with millions of viewings. TED have pioneered the power of shorter presentations and none of them are longer that 18 minutes … this really encourages people to think more deeply about the points they are passionate about and not take a whole hour to make impact. Read Carole’s review. Each speaker uses some of the body languages techniques that make a powerful speaker … but none of the speakers use them all!

4 Connect to influence rather than persuade

If we want to make a point, get our ideas across, win an argument or simply be understood, then it is best to do so in a way that you connect with the other person. That way you influence them to  come over to your side rather than persuading them. Subtle difference.

You do this by look them in the eyes when you speak and because we receive information into our left side, you speak looking into their left eye.

This will work if you are relaxed, your breathing is relaxed and you make it normal. Again, both feet straight on the ground. You can break contact and look back but don’t take on an interrogation stance. Speaking and looking into someone’s left eye will help connect with them and they will drop in to the same pattern and do the same to you. It can take a bit of practice but it is a great tip for connecting with people. It is all about speeding up understanding and communication. It is not about manipulating because if you are not genuine you will not be able to hold that eye contact in a relaxed way. 

To get a fuller briefing on all these points, I recommend you read Carole’s book

  

 

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Responses

  1. Great to be part of your group and deliver a talk that got immediate involvement. Good to hear too, that people are practising the skills and noticing when they are stressed. Questions about body language can be forwarded to me at http://www.facebook.com/carolerailtononline where there are body language tips and information about future courses. Thanks for your support and best to you.


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