Have you ever wanted to make a fresh start?
Just putting one foot in front of the other and trusting the path will unfold
I’ve done it a few times now, either because a relationship has ended or some work or life shift (that’s shift with an F by the way!) has caused me to move to a new region. It can be as stressful and draining as it can be exciting and energising!
More than two years ago I finally decided to move on but I was not sure where exactly. I just knew that living on a Yorkshire hilltop and interchanging that with a house in central London really did not work for me. If you have read any of my previous blogs or postings you’ll know that I have traveled overseas for about half of each year for the last decade … and coming home to two different homes no longer made sense. Travel, discovery and re-invention had become part of my identity and I had outgrown both homes. I had a clear sense that if I wanted to change my life, which I did, then I had to change the container that was holding that life. I was finding it difficult to shift the contents in the same container … after such a long time of being shaped by those places.
Although the London house was a fantastic connection hub (so many Women’s Gatherings, community suppers and ground-breaking events hosted there over the decades), it now felt too small and closed-in for full-time living and the Healthy Home in Yorkshire was too remote, lonely, large and too distant from my friends. But what/where to move to? Perhaps you too have felt a need to move forward and not been sure where you needed to go but you knew that where you were, as lovely as it might have been, no longer served ?
Looking back on my own change process, (this wasn’t the first time I had re-invented myself and I doubt it will be the last) I reflected on how I managed to get through it all. These insights came to light. Bearing in mind, so many people seem be managing vast amounts of change I thought I’d collate these thoughts here. I know a younger version of me would have really appreciated knowing these:
A declaration was made
I made a declaration of intent. “I want a new life and I want to be a new me”. On previous occasions I might have known what was ahead and could articulate what I wanted and set out towards making it happen but this time I didn’t know. I was very open to new possibilities and I kept affirming that I wanted to bring in a new iteration of me … the next updated version. Gina 2.0 (or even Gina 4.0 !) Details were less important than the fact that I was absolutely committed to moving forward and creating a new future. I believed it would happen somehow even though I was not architecting and controlling every stage. And the forward movement really centred around selling my house in London which I had lived in for almost a quarter century. Now that I was very much NOT in control of!
Being able to let go
This was a big one. I really thought I had let go of my London home. I did sell it in 2014 in fact but after three months of faffing about my buyer dropped out. I was back to being in limbo again but I trusted that it would sell eventually. I would do all I could but I knew I was not in charge of the timing. After some feng shui rituals got the energy moving again, a friend recommended I change the selling price to one which added up to nine, making an unusual sales price. I did that and waited for buyers to return from summer vacation. During a September trip to Oslo I took part in a Team exercise that involved me flying down the Zip-Line above the Olympic ski jump several hundred feet above the ground. Having volunteered to do this, I was absolutely terrified once I saw what it looked like.
I called on everything that I had ever learned about controlling my fear (thank you Tony Robbins) which at least got me to the edge. Somehow, muttering some kind of prayer or mantra, I stepped off the edge and within seconds I was whooping for joy at the exhilaration of flying. I had linked my moving forward in life to this Zip Line challenge so I knew I had to go down it and when I did and found it to be so freeing and exciting, I felt everything shift. What had seemed utterly terrifying, letting go and stepping off that edge, was in fact painless and even joyful. Such a tiny step. When I landed at the bottom of the ski jump, my estate agent was taking a call from a buyer for my house with a renewed offer. My courage had scored a home run. You can watch the video here of me flying through the air. And by the way … the house buyer’s offer added up to the number nine, as did the estate agent’s fee, and the difference between the asking and selling price !
Meeting the Universe halfway
Rather than having everything mapped out, I wanted to see what would unfold but I knew I had to have an element of knowing what I wanted. I could not decide the best place to live or what living arrangement I wanted but I settled on articulating what was most important. A place with a view of countryside, plenty of light in the house as I did not want to feel shut in, and a bright conservatory where I would work on my book. I was very clear about those three things. So I had done my work and now I held an expectation that the universe would do the rest. And it did.
I had a property listing website send me alerts and one evening shortly after, I got a message with a picture of a house with a long garden, lovely trees and a huge conservatory. I visited it the next day and saw that it was full of light, exactly what I needed. The first (and only) property I saw, I was the first to visit it and immediately signed a contract. So now I am living in the centre of Skipton and after all that not-knowing it’s exactly where I need to be. Think the thought, let it go … set the forward trajectory in motion. Just hold the expectation for what you want and you will manifest it. So often our anxiety and trying gets in the way of us allowing things to come to us.
Monitoring my inner dialogue
I took care with the language I used about myself especially if I got frustrated with the time it was taking for things to happen. I really had to remind myself that humans are not in charge of timing … things can happen in an instant and they can take a long time to unfold but in the end, the moment is always perfectly right. And when feelings of overwhelm crept in I just re-connected with the progress that I had made, and in fact friends reminded me too … “look at what you have achieved, how far you have come” they said. Don’t focus on where there is still to go. Trust it will happen. So I learned to be kind to myself and repeat encouraging phrases to myself to keep me going.
Seeking Guidance & Re-assurance
As much as I tuned in and intuited the way forward that felt right for me, there’s nothing like having some external confirmation. I sought the counsel of a good astrologer for a reading so that I could affirm that I was on the right track. It didn’t really change where I was going but I found when and where the movement of the planets were aligned in my favour. Of course, you don’t need to speak to an astrologer, or psychic, if that is not your thing, but you can still seek wise counsel from a trusted friend. At times of flux it is a good idea to ask around for advice .. keep listening to the input you receive. In fact the answers you seek might even come to you in the framing of the question rather than the answer itself. Spending time crafting the right question can often provide the insights you are looking for.
The truth always resides within and is accessed through silence
Times of great change call for many periods of quiet reflection and a daily meditation practice is good. I found silence a good companion for me to be present to my own thoughts and feelings. Off went the radio and the TV … and I just immersed myself in quiet and stillness. Living in the enquiry and feeling comfortable with the unknown means you have to have significant periods of time with no chatter or interruption … that way you can see the signs, hear the whispers, and sense the right way forward for you. The more you can reduce the noise inside, the more comfortable you can become with the crazy outside world and the uncertainties which have become the norm. And when others around you express their worry for you, you will be centred enough to discern whether their anxiety is a genuine warning for you or a projection of their own fears which you can choose not to take on.
Destination unknown but still moving forward
You don’t need to know where you are going in order to move forward, and that seems to be contrary to so much current teaching about goal-setting. I genuinely did not know which way forward but I did know various elements that I wanted to be included in my new future. I was clear that I want to be a voice for the greater role that women and feminine wisdom needs to play in the world. I am not attached to how that happens. I think the old me would have it all worked out and vision-mapped but somehow I feel there is a greater more wonderful plan than anything I can imagine myself. I am trusting that by offering myself to be of service using my talents and gifts, the place I need to be will be revealed. My job is to be ready .. whatever that takes … that’s your job too.
The ability to re-frame and set a new context
I have just celebrated a milestone birthday and it was a biggie. It has taken some time to adjust to acknowledging my advancing years and my state of flux to find the positive in it all. I can hear, and witness around me, an old cultural programming that defines a person’s third age as retirement. Magazine photos of older people with white hair enjoying sunset cocktails on cruise ships were not going to be for me. If 60 is the new 40, I made a conscious decision to re-frame my milestone as a second 21st birthday and created a rite of passage for me to begin anew. I remembered that feeling of being 21 and sensing a whole life ahead of me. That is what I am setting up for myself now. As much as I have been-there-done-that I have a sense that I am only just getting started! Watching the Queen still active and working at 90, indeed seeing my spiritual mentor Dadi Janki still working at age 100 means I have got many years ahead, but this time very much informed by wisdom and experience.
Even a name change .. a new identity
After I moved in to the new “container” and created a new home from scratch, I got more of a sense of becoming a new person because my daily rituals were different. My new outer landscape was helping to re-shape the inner terrain of my identity. Yet I still seemed the same when I looked in the mirror … it all felt very subtle indeed. I asked myself if I was different? When I looked back on this time would I recognise this as the moment when everything shifted? Then I visited the Island of Kauai in Hawaii during a major eclipse (in the Pacific). I read about a woman who created an alter ego, like having an avatar in a video game, to help her recover from concussion and it got me thinking … about a name change. I remembered I already had two other names … I took the name of Gina at age 23 from my birth name of Georgina. Why not reclaim that name? And my pet name from my family was Georgie … suddenly I liked that softer name of Georgie so I have taken that back. I still have a professional name of Gina Lazenby because my public profile as an author is linked to that but it does not stop me from introducing myself as Georgie .. and I checked the numerology and it’s very good!
So all these things helped me to create a new story about myself which is evolving and unfolding. Slowly I am moving forward and trusting that all is as it should be…. if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other… that is all I need to know. Everything is OK now … so everything in the future will be OK too. That’s what I keep repeating to myself. Everything is OK.